Say So

At the end of every Young Life Camp, campers are given the chance to share a new relationship with Jesus, tell how He is working in their lives, or say how they saw God working in camp this week and it's called SAY SO. Well, having just come back from Trail West, I would like to share a little Say So. 11 years ago this month I completely turned my life over to Christ. Although, I had grown up in the church and had the reputation in high school as a good person, I never fully turned my entire life over to Christ and to his purpose for my life. I know that people thought I was a christian in high school, but if they only probbed deep enough they would realize that I was only pretending and had only let God into certain parts of my life and completely shut him out of others. Funny thing was that once I stepped foot on Texas A&M's campus, no one knew that reputation and I struggled to pretend and eventually stopped trying. However, 11 years ago, when I was 20 years old I finally reached a point where I had made a mess of my life and was ready to let someone else, who from what I knew of the Bible had a good track record at doing just what I needed him to do in my life. I remember waking up the next morning and nothing about my life felt the same. That same week I also got to join my sister at Trail West. It was such a neat experience, especially as a new believer and I knew that one day I wanted to return when I had a family. Well, two weeks ago I finally got to go back and it really was all that I had remembered it to be. However, I was a little sad remembering how high I felt the last time I was there and how low I have felt in the last few months before arriving. The best way I can describe it is that I have felt like I was on the ship of everyday life and just the day to day struggles of being a mom and wife were crashing against my ship so hard that I felt like I was going to sink. I walk below to try to avoid the waves and I see Jesus and he is SLEEPING!?!?! I know that's terrible to admit, but I have felt like Jesus was asleep at the wheel and was just going to let me sink. That same Jesus who cleaned up my mess 11 years ago was just going to let me sink. Now, I know that is really not going to happen and I am in a better place than I was in January, but I did draw 2 bits of encouragement from camp: One was how joyfully the whole staff served. I long to have that joy again when serving. And two was that no one wife that was in my stage of life was in ministry. ALL of them were stay-at-home moms who supported their husbands. And I guess for the first time since becoming a mom I finally threw some unrealistic expectations off my boat that had the potential to sink me. I also, finally accepted the job that God has called me to right now, which is my family and I want to find my way back to serving them with joy. A speaker at MOPS this past year talked about striving to love, learn and live God and just letting everything else (being a mom, wife, friend) be an overflow of that. That's my current goal and I can tell you that the last week and a half has been easier. It was almost as if God was working me through the Bible story I was referencing earlier from Mark 4:35-41, where a great storm arose and Jesus rebukes the winds and waves, then turns to the disciples and ask why are you so afraid, do you still have no faith.